Oh so boring. Skip me, hampsters. (BUT Cat Lasers.)
2004-05-23
11:55 p.m.

Ah, so today has been the day of self-reflection. And movie watching. But first self-reflection. And then movie watching so I could stop self-reflecting. Maybe you want to watch a movie instead of reading this self-indulgent crap entry? Or skip down to the part about the laser pointer I bought for the cats?

So, the internet. It is so shiny and fun and makes spying on people easy and rewarding. If the internet had been in full swing when I was dating, I don't think I actually would have ever dated because it's much more fun to google crushes than it actually is to date them. Also, googling can be done in pajamas.

Recently, I dug up my ex-best friend, who dropped me abruptly about 4ish years ago. It was this whole mess of a situation with an abusive controlling boyfriend not wanting her to have friends because all she needs is him, and friends don't understand that he is all she needs, and blah blah blah. Anyway, it sucked. I cried a lot. She sent me an email at work telling me to stop calling her, and I sat at my desk in my open cubicle at my first grown up job and cried like a wee poncy girl. So I was very, very angry and hurt. And yet, I was like: Friendster! Show me my friend! And it did. And I emailed. And we hashed it all out and he's history and she's happy and I'm so glad I know that, and maybe soon I'll feel comfortable having her back in my life on a regular basis again.

I was bolstered by my Friendster reunion success, and so I decided to google and friendster EVERYONE. I unearthed my best friend from high school, who is also an ex-friend. (I have a lot of these. I am friend repellant. Or I stopped putting up with things as I got older. Or both.)

My high school friend and I had a falling out about a year after I graduated from college. Actually, it wasn't quite that dramatic: I told her answering machine off and never heard from her again.

I think my looking up of her (ha) was fueled by some teenagers that I observed while at the mall. There were two girls shopping at Victoria's Secret, and one of them was obviously the leader, and the #2 was fawning over her. They were Alternative in a Hot Topic sort of way, if you will. Boys who were milling around outside were summoned in to view the chosen underwear, and #2 was in awe of her leader's hotness, or whatever. It was embarassing. I cringed for them all, but especially #2. I was SO #2. Except I wasn't rude to random shop assistants, and I wasn't that loud and I especially would have gone mute around the boys. But I was totally the fawning lap dog who yipped around for attention scraps. Isn't that sad?

During college, I got sick of being the backup plans (that you didn't even have to call if you got a better offer -- you just didn't show up and I'd eventually figure it out), but we lived in different cities and I almost never saw her, so I forgot. When she did come to town, or I went to hers, she always came bearing backstage passes and VIP status, and we sat on tour buses and in dressing rooms, and so I just basked in it and forgot about everything. Finally, she completely blew me off and I completely blew up, and I never spoke to her again. Honestly, she probably didn't notice.

After I blew up, I vented to mutual friends, and I revealed some things I shouldn't have revealed. At the time, and up until about yesterday, I was totally convinced that I was blabbing for her own good, or whatever, and I totally wasn't. I was just being a gossipy jerk. It scares me that I was so convinced that I was righteous and she was so wrong and blah blah blah. Sure, she stood me up a lot, but I didn't need to do anything but stand up for myself, and I'd already done that. I regret that I had to be a big jerky backtalker to make myself feel like a star.

Anyway, now she's married to a minor celebrity, and she seems happy, and I'm happy for her. I'm pretty sure this is a box I don't want to open again, even though it turned out so well last time. This is one of those bits that just needs to be left alone.

COMPLETELY UNRELATED BUT STILL SELF-INDULGENT

I can't stop going to the mall and trying on pants. Then I just stare at the size on the label and grin like an insane person. I seriously just need to buy a freaking pair and move on. Then I can repeatedly put them on in the comfort of my own home. Or maybe I could just stop behaving like a lunatic?

CAT LASER FUN

Oh my god. When my last laser pointer broke, WHY DID I NOT IMMEDIATELY REPLACE IT? How did I forget that my cats plus laser = #1 most hilarious fun time ever 200everynumber? I LOVE IT. They all go completely ape shit. Especially Chelsea. She is not one for economy of motion. Her head follows that laser wherever it goes, even it it involves running at full speed with her head zigzagging back and forth until she loses her footing and then passes out. But I still think the best game is putting it on Maverick's tail so they all pounce on it. The vet said I needed to get him to exercise more. This works.