Oh, beer. Oh no.
2004-05-12
4:26 a.m.

Good 4 a.m. morning! Why am I awake? Damn you, beer! Damn you and your swirly nightmares that don't make sense but still scare me!

Anyway, since I can't sleep and am sitting up contemplating why fruit flavored antacid tastes, looks, and smells like candy and yet then turns into the worst and most impossible to iradicate taste ever, to the point where I would rather writhe with heartburn (again, thank you, BEER) than take it, I thought I'd entry. Hello world!

I stole this from emiloo who stole it from madamepierce, though I just as easily could have stolen it from madamepierce. I'm just trying to spread the blame around, folks. Et al. (Why am I awake? Oh yes. Two-fifty NEWCASTLES.)

1. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?

Normally? 10:00 a.m. Please don't hit me. I no worky, despite many attempts at pelting people with my resume. Plus, my husband doesn't get home until oneish (they need physics 24/7, people) so we don't go to sleep until laate. (Laate is like late, but from IKEA.) Today, though, I got up at 4. I may have already mentioned that. I may have also mentioned beer and swirly nightmares. I think so. Yes.

2. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE?

Jon Stewart. Holy Super Hilarious Funny.

3. GOLD, SILVER, or PLATINUM?

Er. Platnium? Higher spending limit.

4. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?

Are we calling it the cinema now? Neat. I saw Mean Girls. I loved it despite no one lighting cigarettes off of blown-up Christian Slater.

5. FAVORITE TV SHOW?

Show Biz Moms and Dads. Hello, crazies.

6. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?

Coffee. And then some coffee. And then more coffee. Then I eat toast, fully intending to only have two pieces. Then I eat two more pieces of toast. (I repeat this, without the coffee, at around 11 p.m.) Oh, toast. You are my shining star.

7. WHO WOULD YOU MOST NOT WANT TO BE STUCK IN A ROOM WITH?

Dr. Phil. Holy hatred, Batman.

8. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE.

No.

9. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?

People who can touch their noses with their tongue.

10. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?

Dawn.

11. BEACH, CITY, OR COUNTRY?

City. This question makes me wonder why I moved to Tucson. Tucson isn't a city so much as it's a small dog that thinks it's a really big dog. With strip malls.

12. SUMMER OR WINTER?

What? Since I haven't lived through a summer here yet, I'm going to say winter. I'm assuming that 100 plus every day sucks ass. I'm also assuming that I'm not going to dig monsoon season. Boston, I am so sorry I left you like that. Take me back, baby.

13. FAVORITE ICE-CREAM?

My WW bamboozled self just squeaked, "Skinny Cow Mint Chocolate Sandwiches!" Then my old self beat the WW self up (despite winning my long coveted 10% keychain just 12 hours ago) and yelled, "ALL OF IT. MAPLE WALNUT. THAT SAFEWAY BRAND TOFFEE SHIT. OH JESUS."

14. BUTTER, PLAIN or SALTED POPCORN?

I would rather have the wee-est amount of buttered, salted popcorn once a year than a whole trough of plain every day, for reals.

15. FAVORITE COLOR?

Green. Please see all upolstered furniture that I own, and most shirts.

16. FAVORITE CAR?

Oh, Mr. Mini Cooper, will you be my wife? I'm not saying I don't love my shiny Rav-4, I'm just saying that in fantasy land, I drive-a the Coop.

17. FAVORITE SANDWICH?

This place here? Feast? They make this grilled cheese sandwich where they sear this slice of halloumi cheese directly, and then they add roasted eggplant and tomato and onions, and they put it on a toasted loaf bit of French bread. I make up songs about this sandwich. Oh, sandwich. Oh, sandwich.

18. TRUE LOVE?

What the fuck?

19. WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE?

Blindly following the leader. Also, asking things like, "TRUE LOVE?" with zero context.

20. FAVORITE FLOWERS?

Pansies. I like to yell at them and tell them to do pushups. There's a whole pot of them outside my gym. No one at my gym talks to me. This is a good thing and also the thing that motivates me to yell at flowers where everyone can see.

Actually, I like Black-Eyed Susans the best.

21. IF YOU HAD A BIG WIN IN THE LOTTERY, HOW LONG WOULD YOU WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE?

Until they were all dead and it was just me and my money, which I would swim in like Uncle Scrooge.

22. FIZZY OR STILL WATER AS A DRINK?

Still. STILL.

23. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM?

White. Everything in my house is white. Except for one beige wall. I am waiting for a decorating show to show up unexpectedly, mock me, and paint everything.

24. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?

Six. Two of them are for the same car, in case I lose half my key ring, I guess.

25. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO?

Guernsey, Guernsey, Guernsey. Also, Guernsey.

26. CAN YOU JUGGLE?

No.

27. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK?

I don't work. My husband had Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. There are no days of the week anymore. If I ever get a job, I suppose I will go back to liking Saturday. Right now, though, it just means competition for waffles.

28. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?

I don't remember. I am getting very, very old. Except not. I am actually just a spaz. Or maybe birthdays don't matter so much once you pass 21.

29. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?

I have the note on my driver's licence. Everyone in my family has been informed that I would like to donate. Do I need a separate card? Damn. My wallet is a little hedgehog of cards. Thank god I am not a boy who sits on it.

30. SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU.

I stole this from emiloo. Her dog RULES.