Old journal hilarity continues
2004-03-20
1:19 p.m.

I am still on the old paper journal mocking kick. Though I think the discovery yesterday of the compliment page is by far the funniest thing so far (with the exception of lyrics and costume ideas for the all-girl band that my friends and I were starting despite the fact that none of us could read music or play an instrument), there are still some cringingly embarassing gems to be dusted off.

For example, short story ideas for the Seventeen short story competition circa 1996. I was in COLLEGE at this point, so there is really no excuse for these. Some of the better (I mean worse) selections:

Older man story. An age difference is bad story. Naive girl, seasoned man, and an empty beach.

Seasoned man? Like, did someone hose dude down with Mrs. Dash? Or was he perhaps coated in oil and put in a hot oven so he wouldn't rust? As all older men should be, I think. If they're going to be on a empty beach.

From the point of view of Mom's leather jacket that I wear now.

Is it watching the girl on the beach with Mr. Dash? Besides, that jacket is suede. Maybe making it leather makes it fiction.

The rest of them are: Girl's mother dies. Girl's mother dies. Girl's dog dies and it makes her remember when her mother died. I had a lot of imagination, I think. Except not.

I'm also enjoying the wrap-ups from the early dates with my husband. My favorite quote is:

"He told me he liked me because I wasn't skittish and I was always brutally honest. I was like, okay."

I was, like, articulate.

I also like the drama that I cooked up. For example:

"It made me want to cry tonight when we were at Christy's and I was getting a Slush Puppy and he was getting a Sunny Delight and the guy asked if we were together or separate, and he said, 'separate.'"

Ah, good times. I should burn these puppies, though. Oh, if my kids or my parents read them, the trauma.

I heart these little books, though, no matter how horrifying they are. I kind of like my awkward little self with my leather jacket that writes short stories.