Colonial Serving Wench Coffee Filter Hat
2003-09-16
2:15 p.m.

Who wants to know some random crap? You? Well, okay.

For the record, I am copying The Sausage Queen of Chicago I mean Boston, Madame Pierce. A list of 50 random things was her idea.

1-11

1) I grew up in New England. I did a stint in Massachusetts (birth to age 8/9 in a small town near Fitchburg), then in Connecticut (9 to 18 in a slightly bigger and yet still small town near Mystic), and then 18 to present in the Boston area. Not counting vacations that never last more than 2 weeks, I have spent my ENTIRE LIFE in these two small and practically identical states. This may very well be reason enough for me to move.

2) When I was some really young, clueless age, I somehow communicated to my family that I liked pigs. I have no idea how this all started, but due to semi-large family with insane birthday and holiday overgift policies, I have 2 huge Rubbermaid crates full of pig figurines in my basement. Also several garbage bags of stuffed animal style pigs. I have no idea what to do with all this. When I was a kid, my dad told me some day I could display them all in my home. Even when I was 10 I knew that was a really bad idea, and back then I thought the Wuzzles were Art.

3) Ha! The Wuzzles. See Also, The Snorks, and the Gummi Bears. I always wanted to drink that juice that made the bears bounce, but since I was human I just would have gotten really strong, like that wussy looking long haired kid that always hung around the bears. I wanted to bounce, man.

4) I feel like maybe I shouldn't even get credit for #3. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't get credit for a lot of things.

5) I really, really hate going to the dentist. I finally found a really gentle dentist to finish up all this crappy work I needed done, which was such a relief, and then I got hosed on Friday by a billing issue. I was told something would cost $21, and then when I checked out I had to hand over my credit card and pay $436. Gentle, and yet evil. But you know I'll still go if I need to again, because I fear the incompetent sadists lurking at other offices.

6) In high school, I was the Blossom chick. How freaking embarassing is that? I was all about the massive hats and the striped tights and I even had a (cringe) giant silver peace sign necklace.

7) I also had a very prolonged and public awkward stage that started way before and ended slightly after the Blossom thing. It started when I begged for a perm and then said, "Yes, please perm my bangs," and ended just before my senior year of high school. The center of that is filled with not being allowed to wear makeup, being allowed to wear makeup and seriously fucking it up, bad skin, eyebrows that resembled angry caterpillars, a misguided I will dress like the girls in the Bel Biv DeVoe videos phase brought to us by G+G/ Rave/ Contempo, and, lastly, Ska. Thank god I have all the negatives. And yet I also display one of the most embarassing photos on my fridge because, seriously, it's too funny not to.

8) When I was in high school I drank the grand total of: 2 Zimas, one shot of butterscotch schnapps, a Sex on the Beach while visiting my sister in Japan, and about a bazillion lattes while I angsted at the local independant coffee shop.

9) I waited tables at a restaurant in Mystic, CT, and had to wear what was called a Colonial Serving Wench costume. It included a hat that looked like a lace coffee filter and it cost $85, which was taken out of my paycheck $5 at a time. This (all of it) still seems very wrong to me.

10) I had the 1996 Jennifer Aniston haircut for a season when everyone else did, too. I even brought the picture to the salon. I remember getting on the T as I left the salon and feeling cool for about 10 seconds, and then noticing that every other girl on the T also had that haircut. I went to my dorm and got a baseball cap and wore it almost constantly for 2 months.

11) The baseball cap was from the grand opening of the Fashion Cafe. Ha ha. Even with the hair covered up, I was a total tool.

More tomorrow.