I suck at titles.
2003-07-29
3:12 p.m.

So I got to the bottom of the hill this morning and realized that I didn't have my T pass on me. Ass! I suck at switching my life from my purse to my gym bag. Suck! Suckity suck suck suck. Every time I do it, I neglect keys, works ID cards, gym shoes, etc. You would think that I'd work out a system to deal with this so it would stop happening, but, honestly, you'd be wrong. I am not one for the planning ahead.

Yesterday I got down to the bottom of the hill and then realized that I was wearing a pretty much see-through dress. That was nice. For about a split second, I thought, well, I'm wearing nice, matching underwear. Ha. I went home and put pants on. If I can just keep this up, I can cancel my gym membership and get my workouts walking up and down the hill to hide my underpants and to get my card. Good times.

Also yesterday, I watched the woman across from me on the T wearing a pair of logo covered Coach sandals and carrying one of those newish Louis Vuitton multi-colored handbags. Like, if you can spend that much money on your attire, why are you on the orange line? But whatever. I know driving isn't a matter of cost so much as it's a matter of insane annoyance here, so I get taking the T. In fact, I don't even own my own car and I never have. Anyway. So, after noticing her shoes and bag, I looked down at mine. Sweet. If by sweet I mean I've had those shoes since the summer I graduated from high school and the bag since my sophomore year of college. The shoe was starting to lose some stitching and the bag is looking lackluster. Which sucks. But I a) hate shopping for new things and b) don't have any money. I don't really hate the act of shopping so much as I hate the act of handing over money. I always feel wracked with guilt and then I hide my credit card statement. Ha. Anyway, since I'm cancelling my card in favor of sharing one with my husband, there is no more hiding. Instead, there is just simply not buying things. Which is good, but which also means that I wear shoes that I've had since I was 18. Which is 8 years. Damn. DAMN.

Best Case Scenario vs. Worst Case Scenario

So I've been thinking a lot lately about my dream life vs. my actual life vs. the actual worst life I can see myself actually accidentally falling into. My dream life is somehow living on Guernsey and being paid to watch reality TV and comment on in when I feel like it. I will also be paid to read books and talk about them and to play with my cats, who will miraculously bypass any sort of quarantine. My husband will do whatever it is about his job that he likes and only have to work 10 hours a week or so, and no one that he works with will be annoying unless it's funny enough to make a good story. I will also have a rescued greyhound who will fetch and sleep at my feet. I'll eventually have/ adopt kids and be around but not always around and we'll travel a lot and drink strawberry lemonade and beer and say "sucks the royal bag" a lot. My family will visit a lot. Or something.

My current life is that I'm in a job I'm not crazy about and I barely make enough to justify the travel and clothing expenses that work incurs. I guess I like some parts of my job, but I hate that I'm made to care and worry about things that really don't matter than much. There aren't really other jobs, though, and for right now here is where I'll stay. I love my husband, my house, and my cats, though. I get to travel sometimes, and it rules. I will take this lot, for sure.

My worst case scenario (rather than being really random and saying something that will never happen, like suddenly I'm a pet undertaker! And all the corpses in the pet cemetary are alive and trying to eat my brains!) is that I'll stay at a job that I hate forever because I have to, and that I won't get to enjoy everything I work to have, like my kids lives and my pets and my library card. I'll be too exausted and pissed off and I'll get bitter and push everyone away. That would suck. Note to self, cash out if that happens. Cash out and move rural and cut back and make do with less.

Okay then.