Fictional Jealousy and Self Pity. Also, Asinine Details.
2003-07-02
4:07 p.m.

I have random misdirected jealousy issues. For example, one time I picked a fight with my friend because she'd said she was going to go home and hang out with her mom. Well, that's not the whole story (the whole story kind of makes sense), but it's the important part. I won't bore you with the details of her 21st birthday and not having an ID for the state I lived in and her friend who hated me (and vice versa) tagging along for the trip and conveniently forgetting to mention to my friend that she and I knew and hated each other. (Did I say I wasn't going to go into all the detail?)

But anyway, when the me v. her friend who tagged along fight bubbled up, she wanted to go home and hang out with her mom, and the fact that that was her #1 comfort spot filled me with jealousy, which came out later, in disguise, as rage at her for going to get cigarettes with a random guy she'd just met and disappearing for 8 hours. But anyway. I was less mad than I was jealous of her relationship with her mom.

I am making no sense today. What is bringing all of this 5 years ago crap to my attention is the sad jealous bubble that surfaced in my chest when I saw the trailer for the movie How to Deal. Mommy loves daughter and daughter loves mommy! Together they can take on the world! See them hug each other tightly! See me pantomime vomit to cover up wistfulness. Then see me feel ashamed for being jealous of fictional characters played by Mandy Moore. And of the freaking Ya Yas. God damn it.

I so rarely feel sorry for myself about this. I don't know what's bringing this on, really. It's been over 11 years and sometimes it still just flat out punches me in the gut. But everyone has their shit and I don't really think mine is that worthy of discussion. It happened, it's over, I should buy a second dehumidifier and shit I still need to go to the dentist blah blah blah asinine details life goes on.

Okay then.

Asnine Details

I think my husband is getting his annual review/ raise today. I am on the edge of my seat for the update and thus far it is not here. Want to know. He has been busting his ass this past year and travelling all the time and I really want him to be recognized for it. A bit of breathing room in our budget might be nice, but what I really want is for him to get the props he deserves for being such a kick ass, reliable to the eXXtreme employee.

I really want another cat. I miss Moo. I think Moo was a once in a lifetime cat, though, so there is no replacing his personality plus presence in the house. Chewy and Molly are awesome, but they really do their own thing. Moo loved us. We made his day and vice versa. I miss that.