Important Drops in a Bucket of Lame
2003-02-10
11:08 a.m.

So, I'm at work again. When am I ever not at work? Oh, wait: Nights, weekends, and very early mornings.

I am really disturbed by the amount of time I spend at work, and how little I do to further all that is right in the world. At least I do do something that is actually important in a way where I don't have to make up some convoluted rationalization from asinine to useful to help myself sleep at night. But, the importantness is really just drops in a bucket of lame. Like, right now, I'm trying to return some toner. Color Laser Jet and regular Laser Jet? Are different. Even if the ink itself is black. Screw you, Hewlett Packard!

Even when I'm not at work, though, I am rarely doing anything worthwhile. I had nine months off recently (unintentionally) and I spent a good part of that sitting on my ass, reading random schlock, and playing with my cats. I volunteered two days a week and spent a lot of time looking for a job, but I still felt useless. I don't feel less useless now that I'm working, just put-upon and stressed, since the income from this job made it possible for me to buy a house. Which more than tripled my housing expenses, and they weren't low to start with. Screw you, Boston!

Okay then. I'm totally babbling. Is that the point of this place?

In closing, my husband is flying right now and it's freaking me out. I got up with him this morning to see him off (well, sort of -- I didn't actually get out of bed) and after he left, I couldn't go back to sleep. My heart was racing. I feel like such a what-about-me dork, but ever since September 11th I've never felt really comfortable with the amount of time he spends in the air. He was a regular on one of the flights that crashed, and he was on it exactly one week to the day before it happened. I wish he travelled less, not because I miss him (though that's a factor too) but because I don't want anything to happen to him. Plus, he's going to miss Valentine's Day, and what the crap is that?