Ukranian Pee and the LitterMaid and Malvert, oh my.
2004-10-01
9:36 a.m.

Well, this kills me in two parts: Someone found my diary by googling 'pee unusual places.' (Thank you, Chelsea.) That's funny to start with. But THEN, the number one result was a page for Ukraine tourisim. Awesome!

CAT UPDATE

So yesterday I went to PetSmart (for all of my crazy cat lady needs) to get an automatic litter box. I knew exactly where they were, because occasionally I like to go stare at them wistfully while I'm picking up food.

There are two options, and both by the same company. One is LitterMaid (LitterMaid! PetSmart! JoinedWordsMakeBetterBrand!) Automatic Litter Box LM520 and the other is LitterMaid Automatic Litter Box LM920. Five or Nine, my friends? The only difference was that small tweak in the number, the fact that the LM920 box was a smidgen larger, and the fact that the LM920 box said MEGA on it. Other than that, there was nothing selling it to me and explaining why it was $149 while the other was $99.

Luckily for me, someone who looked and acted exactly like Malvert from Student Bodies (Please note: But who WAS NOT Malvert! It was just some random guy. I am cracking up at the amount of Malvert generated email I get. I don't have his cell phone number, I don't know where he lives, and I've never, ever actually seen the real Malvert as far as I know, no matter how much I wish I had.) showed up.

(Please tell me you've seen Student Bodies. If not, you must. Sometimes Malvert pee red!)

(Oh my God, IMDB hath just revealed to me that the actor who played Malvert was known simply as The Stick. That is so awesome. I didn't think that phenomenon could get better. Now I think the only way it can is for him to have met Sloth from The Goonies regularly for brunch.)

Anyway, so odd Malvert-esque janitor shows up and asks if I need some help. He then says a whole bunch of weird stuff and says that the Mega box is for multiple cats. I point out that Mega means million, and ask if it's for a million cats. Except I don't. I say thank you and plop the smaller one in my cart. $50 extra doesn't = enough to justify an extra 2 inches or so.

So I strapped the box into my front seat (I was on my way to pick up two drugged post surgery greyhounds from the vet, aw) and left it there. It sits there as we speak, my poor forgotten passenger. If I were the litter box, though, I'd rather be left in the car for now. I hope it doesn't get the wrong idea about its life here. It's not going to be roses and tea and scones, LitterMaid LM520. It's going to be litter and cat crap. I am sorry, but that is the caste into which you were born.

Crapass, now I feel badly for an inanimate object. I am going to go quiz Maverick on state capitals. I swapped out his presidents placemat for a map of the US yesterday and he'd better have made some progress. Which 4 state capitals are former president's names, Maverick? That should be an easy transition question.